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Recipes: A note on "Perfection Paralysis"

Hey there! You may have noticed that the Noodle Salad recipe has been removed, and no other recipes have been posted, and I wanted to keep you in the loop as to why. When I decided to start this blog, I knew it would take discipline on my part to make time to gather content that was comprehensive and compelling. What I didn't know what how inept I am at web design, and tech troubleshooting. I am sure, in time, it will become second nature, but it has been a bumpy ride thus far. The wise and irreverent Bréne Brown calls these FFTs, which means "fucking first times". The first time we do anything it feels hard. We feel like baby deer trying to get our feet underneath us. Each subsequent time gets easier and easier until we eventually feel like, "I got this!". I was a bit ambitious to try to launch the blog in a short period of time while raising a tween and running a business. I had a self imposed, arbitrary launch deadline in my head, and in the spirit of honoring my commitments, I launched "on time". The problem was I hadn't had the time to really audit the user experience of the recipe App that I used. Once I had the chance to take a closer look, I was super disappointed with it. This really took the wind out of my sails, and confirmed the story that I had been telling myself, that I have no business doing this at all. If I can't do it perfectly the first time, I will do nothing. A old habit, dying really hard. Why do we have such insane expectations of ourselves when we would never impart them on others? I see my daughter do this, and I always remind her that no one is good at something the first time they do it. Why is it so easy for me to offer her, and everyone else this grace, but I am not deserving of it?

I am not sure when I heard the term "perfection paralysis", but I remember it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been putting myself in indefinite time-outs after a failure, for years. I try, I fail, I tell myself: "you can't do that thing, ever". When I was in college I bought house plants, then promptly killed them because I had other, much more pressing priorities like shopping and partying, of course. For the next 15 years I knew a truth about myself, that I was a plant murderer. I was not to be trusted with house plants. It occurred to me at some point, that I did a lot dumb shit in college and maybe I could give plants another try, and guess what?! I am great with plants, indoor and out! I hope my now green thumb is an indication of my potentially great cooking blog. All of this is to ask you wonderful people to please be patient while I hone my craft. I will do my best to make it worth the wait.


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